Just Say No

Just Say No

I grew up in the 1980’s and 1990’s when DARE was big in schools and Nancy Reagan’s ‘Just Say No’ campaign reigned supreme. To this day I am convinced that one puff on a joint will lead me down the path of heroin, crack cocaine, and methamphetamine. Anywho, that is a story for another day.

Saying no is important in both your work and your personal lives. However, it isn’t always easy to say no to those you love or those you work with. Too often women want to be seen as being team players with the ability to handle anything that gets thrown our way. Which isn’t good for us, our families, our coworkers, or creating a healthy balance between work and life.

Why Say No

Busyness has become a badge of honor in our society. Busy with work, busy with home, busy with our children, our self-care, our extracurricular activities. Too often when asking how someone is we hear a response of “crazy busy” or that “work is insane.” We have become a society of people pleasers, too afraid to say no and focus on our own needs. This Guardian article reminds us that we need to reclaim our mental well being by saying no more often and to more things. Being a people pleaser is a form of manipulation: we want people to like us and therefore we say yes to requests so that they will like us. This is taking a toll on both our mental and physical well being.

Saying No at Work

Jonathan Alpert shared seven great tips on saying no at work here, but I want to focus on his last two: being firm and being selfish. Why these two? Because I don’t believe saying no is selfish. In fact, saying no is a GOOD thing. He writes that it is you putting your needs first but again I would say – how is that being selfish? I do believe in being firm. If you say no and then do it…..are you really saying no? Or are you telling people you will say no and then give in and do it if they ask enough times. It’s like a child who keeps asking to wear you down…once you give in they will know that eventually you always give in.

Saying No at Home

How many times have you gone to fundraiser you would have rather written a check for? Or the neighborhood barbecue when what you really need is a nap? This people pleasing inability to say no has not only eroded our work lives but also our personal lives. Even Harvard Business Review has picked up on the need for people to say no, writing that sometimes it is hard to say no to friends and family but it is worth it if you can find balance. Saying no to the parties and errands you don’t actually want to do will free you up to participate in those activities and events that you want to participate in.

Hopefully we all take the opportunity this week to review what we say yes to both at work and home and free up sometime in our lives to create better balance.

- Morgan